Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
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I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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