I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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