You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize