Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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