Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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