Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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