is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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