I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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