i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
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I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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