Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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