how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize