And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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