all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
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bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
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Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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