He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
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My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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