i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
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I'm at about main and main street
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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