every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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