Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
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Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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