is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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