I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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