found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize