Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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