I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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