i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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