It's Friday. Sex?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he thought i was a dude.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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