The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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