You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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