Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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