Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
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I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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