you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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