bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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