Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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