After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
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I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
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You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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