If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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