I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize