I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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