And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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