Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
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The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
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how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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