I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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