apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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