Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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