Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
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I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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