I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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