Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize