I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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