i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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