Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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