Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My vagina is officially offended.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize