I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
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Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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