eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize