There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Panties = found
Randomize